Two-Wheeler Fighter Pilot

Inspired by a passing comment made by a friendly forumer (2Paise at Skyscrapercity.com) I am in the process of writing the script for a movie with the subject title (there are two others in the making as well -- "White Indica with Yellow License Plate -- it is a State of Mind" and "AutoRickshaWalla - You ask where he wants to go instead of the other way around". I realize the titles are long but I am sure I can abbreviate them -- TWFP etc).

The plot unfolds like this; The top brass at IAF are bemoaning the shortage of good officers, particularly pilots and direct the Air Marshal heading the training command to find a solution pronto. The Air Marshal being chauffeured to the training command HQ near Hebbal in his official IAF-blue Ambassador Classic bearing 3 stars is deep in thought when out of nowhere appears this human missile on a two-wheeler, emerging from the blind spot to the rear left of the car, passes the car with just a millimeter of clearance (this human missile must have a built-in vernier in his brain), to cut across the nose of the AM’s car while traveling perpendicular to the "normal" flow of traffic and then make a real sharp left turn to be with the "normal" traffic flow all the while talking on his mobile.

The AM curses, damn how did I miss this all these days – the answer to the perplexing problem of pilot shortage is right under my nose, he thinks. The move that I just saw would put the Surya Kiran aces to shame. Will certainly scare the bejesus out of our enemy pilots. Heck I am a ’71 war ace myself and never saw anything like this.

The AM is alert by now. He looks around him and there are human missiles in two-wheelers all around him, some are lone cowboys, there are several who are balancing their laptop cases and helmets on their laps (only the weak of heart wear helmets on their heads) while doing their acrobatics. Then there are those riding in formation two abreast, frequently breaking into a routine where they trace two perfectly out-of-synch sinusoidal waves coming tantalizingly close as they cross each other while dodging out-of-control WIYLPs, darting pedestrians and crater-sized pot holes. He is thinking, I not only have future pilots right here, I do not even need to train them – they come battle ready. His thoughts run amok perceiving all kinds of possibilities and only stop when it occurs to him that his job might get obsolete.

There is one other person who has not missed the action with the human missiles particularly the moves where talking on the mobile is involved. He is the head of the leading TV channel who has to think on his feet to outwit his competitors. He is known to be a visionary who is always playing out “what if” scenarios in his head. God forbid, if there is another war, how am I going to provide better coverage than the other guy? In a flash, he thinks of the fighter pilot who could double up as battle scene reporter a la Dr. Sanjay Gupta (Neurosurgeon cum battle scene reporter for CNN).

The movie is action packed, so the plot is thin. There is no real romance other than the mild flirting that goes on between the combat pilot hero reporting from “Ground Zero” and the anchor back in the studio. There is no psychoanalysis of the hero; why he does these death-defying acts on a two-wheeler just to advance a few inches in the Bengaluru traffic, why does he find not wearing a helmet such a liberating experience. Does he do it just to get a laugh or out of recalcitrance? All of that will be left to the sequel where he will try to win back his flying status after being grounded for rash flying (buzzing the home of the anchor to impress her).

The only exception to this is the portrayal of the inner turmoil that the hero experiences when the TV channel offers him a special bonus for faking a dogfight. Inexplicably he refuses for he is no saint; after all he is known to have paid off policemen who have harassed him for driving without a valid DL. The TV channel of course has to settle for a "Photshopped" version of scenes from “Top Gun” with Hindi voiceover.

Needless to say, the movie will be shot mostly in Bengaluru, doing anywhere else would be sacrilege. Of course some of the dog fights will be filmed in the skies above Mont Blanc (gotta have foreign locales).