I just saw this news item in yesterday's TOI.http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/Cities/A_Bangalore_in_Scotland_and_China/articleshow/3186080.cms
It is a credit to the entire population of Bangalore that our fair city is being emulated in far away lands. It blows your mind to think that such a disparate group of people can come together in such a symbiotic fashion while being engulfed by a sea of dysfunction.
You cannot find a more disparate group than this; the jet setting IT executive trying to convince everyone that the world is flat and the teenage tea server from Bihar who believes it is; the man driving the "White Indica with Yellow License Plate" who will not think twice before running over a pedestrian in order to deposit his precious cargo (aka call center "executive") at her office exactly at 6:00 pm so she can sell a life insurance policy to an 85-year old woman just waking up in Topeka, KS and the petite software engineer from Haridwar risking her life riding a puny Scooty in a sea of WIYLPs just to get to her office; the practitioner of Xtreme Programming and the HR "executive" who thinks programming is extreme; those who say "for BIAL to play, HAL has to stay" and those who say "good riddance HAL airport".
Disparate their backgrounds and outlook in life may be but when it comes to serving the needs of their customers thousands of miles away, their goals are completely aligned. That we have managed to put our fair city prominently on the world technology map is a testament to our skills, perseverance, tolerance, good fortune and the Bangalore weather. No wonder we have countries in a hurry to replicate the Bangalore success story. At this rate we could be turning Singapore into another Bangalore -- the mere thought sends shivers down the spine.
I read and re-read the TOI article. I am feeling rather sanguine when my brain latches on to the following sentence -- "They are even planning to create a Bangalore in their country!” That is it. I smell an opportunity. Looks like they want an exact replica of Bangalore in Scotland and China.
Now I have been to Scotland and China (I am an old China hand, went there first when it opened up in 1981 when they only accepted Monopoly money from foreigners; I nearly froze to death on a balmy summer day in Glasgow so believe me I know Scotland) and am intimately aware of the deficiencies in their systems.
Undoubtedly they will need our software gurus and knowledge process specialists. But how could they have an exact replica of Bangalore without our
- Signal-less traffic flow experts
- People with experience upgrading sidewalks (footpath) for multiple use
- Public transportation managers with experience in the 3-wheel variety
- Storm water drain re modellers
- Potholelogists (experts in the study of pot holes)
- Solid waste disposal specialists
- Traffic lane marking technicians
- Arborists with random tree cutting experience
- Two wheeler riding instructors
- Cowherds
Honestly, how could you clone a high-performing Bangalore team without re-creating the environment that causes them to excel?
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
Saturday, June 28, 2008
Two-Wheeler Fighter Pilot
Inspired by a passing comment made by a friendly forumer (2Paise at Skyscrapercity.com) I am in the process of writing the script for a movie with the subject title (there are two others in the making as well -- "White Indica with Yellow License Plate -- it is a State of Mind" and "AutoRickshaWalla - You ask where he wants to go instead of the other way around". I realize the titles are long but I am sure I can abbreviate them -- TWFP etc).
The plot unfolds like this; The top brass at IAF are bemoaning the shortage of good officers, particularly pilots and direct the Air Marshal heading the training command to find a solution pronto. The Air Marshal being chauffeured to the training command HQ near Hebbal in his official IAF-blue Ambassador Classic bearing 3 stars is deep in thought when out of nowhere appears this human missile on a two-wheeler, emerging from the blind spot to the rear left of the car, passes the car with just a millimeter of clearance (this human missile must have a built-in vernier in his brain), to cut across the nose of the AM’s car while traveling perpendicular to the "normal" flow of traffic and then make a real sharp left turn to be with the "normal" traffic flow all the while talking on his mobile.
The AM curses, damn how did I miss this all these days – the answer to the perplexing problem of pilot shortage is right under my nose, he thinks. The move that I just saw would put the Surya Kiran aces to shame. Will certainly scare the bejesus out of our enemy pilots. Heck I am a ’71 war ace myself and never saw anything like this.
The AM is alert by now. He looks around him and there are human missiles in two-wheelers all around him, some are lone cowboys, there are several who are balancing their laptop cases and helmets on their laps (only the weak of heart wear helmets on their heads) while doing their acrobatics. Then there are those riding in formation two abreast, frequently breaking into a routine where they trace two perfectly out-of-synch sinusoidal waves coming tantalizingly close as they cross each other while dodging out-of-control WIYLPs, darting pedestrians and crater-sized pot holes. He is thinking, I not only have future pilots right here, I do not even need to train them – they come battle ready. His thoughts run amok perceiving all kinds of possibilities and only stop when it occurs to him that his job might get obsolete.
There is one other person who has not missed the action with the human missiles particularly the moves where talking on the mobile is involved. He is the head of the leading TV channel who has to think on his feet to outwit his competitors. He is known to be a visionary who is always playing out “what if” scenarios in his head. God forbid, if there is another war, how am I going to provide better coverage than the other guy? In a flash, he thinks of the fighter pilot who could double up as battle scene reporter a la Dr. Sanjay Gupta (Neurosurgeon cum battle scene reporter for CNN).
The movie is action packed, so the plot is thin. There is no real romance other than the mild flirting that goes on between the combat pilot hero reporting from “Ground Zero” and the anchor back in the studio. There is no psychoanalysis of the hero; why he does these death-defying acts on a two-wheeler just to advance a few inches in the Bengaluru traffic, why does he find not wearing a helmet such a liberating experience. Does he do it just to get a laugh or out of recalcitrance? All of that will be left to the sequel where he will try to win back his flying status after being grounded for rash flying (buzzing the home of the anchor to impress her).
The only exception to this is the portrayal of the inner turmoil that the hero experiences when the TV channel offers him a special bonus for faking a dogfight. Inexplicably he refuses for he is no saint; after all he is known to have paid off policemen who have harassed him for driving without a valid DL. The TV channel of course has to settle for a "Photshopped" version of scenes from “Top Gun” with Hindi voiceover.
Needless to say, the movie will be shot mostly in Bengaluru, doing anywhere else would be sacrilege. Of course some of the dog fights will be filmed in the skies above Mont Blanc (gotta have foreign locales).
The plot unfolds like this; The top brass at IAF are bemoaning the shortage of good officers, particularly pilots and direct the Air Marshal heading the training command to find a solution pronto. The Air Marshal being chauffeured to the training command HQ near Hebbal in his official IAF-blue Ambassador Classic bearing 3 stars is deep in thought when out of nowhere appears this human missile on a two-wheeler, emerging from the blind spot to the rear left of the car, passes the car with just a millimeter of clearance (this human missile must have a built-in vernier in his brain), to cut across the nose of the AM’s car while traveling perpendicular to the "normal" flow of traffic and then make a real sharp left turn to be with the "normal" traffic flow all the while talking on his mobile.
The AM curses, damn how did I miss this all these days – the answer to the perplexing problem of pilot shortage is right under my nose, he thinks. The move that I just saw would put the Surya Kiran aces to shame. Will certainly scare the bejesus out of our enemy pilots. Heck I am a ’71 war ace myself and never saw anything like this.
The AM is alert by now. He looks around him and there are human missiles in two-wheelers all around him, some are lone cowboys, there are several who are balancing their laptop cases and helmets on their laps (only the weak of heart wear helmets on their heads) while doing their acrobatics. Then there are those riding in formation two abreast, frequently breaking into a routine where they trace two perfectly out-of-synch sinusoidal waves coming tantalizingly close as they cross each other while dodging out-of-control WIYLPs, darting pedestrians and crater-sized pot holes. He is thinking, I not only have future pilots right here, I do not even need to train them – they come battle ready. His thoughts run amok perceiving all kinds of possibilities and only stop when it occurs to him that his job might get obsolete.
There is one other person who has not missed the action with the human missiles particularly the moves where talking on the mobile is involved. He is the head of the leading TV channel who has to think on his feet to outwit his competitors. He is known to be a visionary who is always playing out “what if” scenarios in his head. God forbid, if there is another war, how am I going to provide better coverage than the other guy? In a flash, he thinks of the fighter pilot who could double up as battle scene reporter a la Dr. Sanjay Gupta (Neurosurgeon cum battle scene reporter for CNN).
The movie is action packed, so the plot is thin. There is no real romance other than the mild flirting that goes on between the combat pilot hero reporting from “Ground Zero” and the anchor back in the studio. There is no psychoanalysis of the hero; why he does these death-defying acts on a two-wheeler just to advance a few inches in the Bengaluru traffic, why does he find not wearing a helmet such a liberating experience. Does he do it just to get a laugh or out of recalcitrance? All of that will be left to the sequel where he will try to win back his flying status after being grounded for rash flying (buzzing the home of the anchor to impress her).
The only exception to this is the portrayal of the inner turmoil that the hero experiences when the TV channel offers him a special bonus for faking a dogfight. Inexplicably he refuses for he is no saint; after all he is known to have paid off policemen who have harassed him for driving without a valid DL. The TV channel of course has to settle for a "Photshopped" version of scenes from “Top Gun” with Hindi voiceover.
Needless to say, the movie will be shot mostly in Bengaluru, doing anywhere else would be sacrilege. Of course some of the dog fights will be filmed in the skies above Mont Blanc (gotta have foreign locales).
Thursday, June 26, 2008
BIAL for real
I want to preempt any possible accusation that I am a lobbyist for BIAL with this full disclosure – I own stocks in BIAL* and I have worked out an elaborate kickback scheme with them to funnel into my personal bank account a part of the UDF they collect from travelers from various forums that I lurk around.
Also, I am a technologically-challenged person and so do not walk around with a cell phone that takes great photographs (as well as make hot dosas) so hoping that the following thousand words are worth a picture. Therefore reader discretion is advised.
I finally got a chance to get a first-hand look at BIAL. I flew Bengaluru-Delhi-Chandigarh and back this week. This experience would rank alongside my first airline flight in 1968 as one of the most anticipated moments of my life. I had been closely following the developments around the new airport in Bangalore for over a decade even through the years when I lived thousands of miles away. The anticipation was further heightened by reports of a monumental disaster and so I approached this trip with a sense of trepidation and foreboding.
Now I must confess that I am not a sophisticated traveler who throws out with consummate skill various acronyms for city names, aircraft model and registration numbers, communication gear used, landing approach taken by aircraft etc. However, I have been a frequent traveler around the world for the past 30 years and can smell convenience from a continent away.
BIAL connectivity: I live in East Bangalore (Richards Town). On Saturday afternoon, it took me exactly 50 minutes to get dropped off curbside at BIAL. It took me about the same to get back home from BIAL on Wednesday around 9:00 pm. The NH-7 part of the road between BIAL interchange and Yelahanka north exit is looking very good. If and when the government carries out its threat to build an elevated section between Hebbal flyover and North Yelahanka, the drive will be a breeze (for me at least). By contrast, a trip to the HAL airport would vary between 20 minutes and 45 minutes depending on the disposition of the bus drivers from HAL and other DRDO orgs on S.Das Road.
BIAL user interface: It took me exactly 12 minutes from the time I was dropped off curbside to order my complimentary cup of coffee at the café near my departure gate. During this time, I got checked in, went through security check and had the chance for a quick restroom stop. I might have just got lucky or it may have been due to the fact that I was behind the great Roger Binny (who was on his way to the Lords with Kirmani and Kirti Azad for the big event) at the check in and security lines and may have vicariously enjoyed VIP status.
On my return, the aircraft pulled up to the gate at 8:45 pm and I was in a cab by 9:10. During this time, the aerobridge got attached, passenger unloaded, baggage collected, pit stop made (I told you before, I am a 58-year old male!), taxi money from ATM collected. It was almost a Changi-like experience especially in contrast to Delhi Terminal 1 which still retains the look and feel (and smell) of an AAI airport.
The things I did not like about BIAL – being greeted on arrival by the smell of chicken grilling in the tandoor (coming from one of the cafes), the dysfunction around the taxi line, the efforts of BIAL and the taxi company reps notwithstanding and the boarding procedure -- how difficult can it be to board by row numbers. I know KF tried this at HAL but I think we, the people, defeated that system effectively. The last of these could considerably reduce the clustering of people around the departure gates.
Meru cabs are fantastic. When it is your turn at the top of the taxi line assuming one has been allowed to form, the uniformed cab driver jumps out and loads your luggage in the trunk, starts the meter, takes you to your destination, prints you a receipt, collects the money with no intention to hang around to ask for something extra. By the way, I did have a very enlightening discussion with the cab driver on lane discipline (he said, "It is a great idea, I will comply but my customers are always in a hurry and want me to pay no attention to lanes". Lane driving=Slow traffic)
BIAL terminal building aesthetics: Like I said I am a nuts and bolts traveler and pay very little attention to these things unless it is extremely noteworthy (the only airport that falls in this category for me is Denver International). I have flown in and out of Changi dozens of times yet cannot remember anything about the external appearance. In my opinion, the designers of BIAL have made the best effort at striking a balance between cost, functionality, internal ambience (space, light etc.) etc with reasonable success. I say put spectacular landscaping around the building and nobody will pay attention to the building itself.
Toilets: I thought that it was adequate for arrivals but not so in the departure area. It looks like BIAL now has a caretaker for each toilet and the level of cleanliness is good.
Finally, I would say that arriving at BIAL, hiring a cab and traveling on NH7 up to Yelanka is almost a first-world experience. From Yelahanka onwards, just close your eyes and pray!
(*PS: In case you are wondering how I acquired stocks in BIAL, I will let you in on a secret -- I acquired them through our fearless leaders in the Government of Karnataka!)
Also, I am a technologically-challenged person and so do not walk around with a cell phone that takes great photographs (as well as make hot dosas) so hoping that the following thousand words are worth a picture. Therefore reader discretion is advised.
I finally got a chance to get a first-hand look at BIAL. I flew Bengaluru-Delhi-Chandigarh and back this week. This experience would rank alongside my first airline flight in 1968 as one of the most anticipated moments of my life. I had been closely following the developments around the new airport in Bangalore for over a decade even through the years when I lived thousands of miles away. The anticipation was further heightened by reports of a monumental disaster and so I approached this trip with a sense of trepidation and foreboding.
Now I must confess that I am not a sophisticated traveler who throws out with consummate skill various acronyms for city names, aircraft model and registration numbers, communication gear used, landing approach taken by aircraft etc. However, I have been a frequent traveler around the world for the past 30 years and can smell convenience from a continent away.
BIAL connectivity: I live in East Bangalore (Richards Town). On Saturday afternoon, it took me exactly 50 minutes to get dropped off curbside at BIAL. It took me about the same to get back home from BIAL on Wednesday around 9:00 pm. The NH-7 part of the road between BIAL interchange and Yelahanka north exit is looking very good. If and when the government carries out its threat to build an elevated section between Hebbal flyover and North Yelahanka, the drive will be a breeze (for me at least). By contrast, a trip to the HAL airport would vary between 20 minutes and 45 minutes depending on the disposition of the bus drivers from HAL and other DRDO orgs on S.Das Road.
BIAL user interface: It took me exactly 12 minutes from the time I was dropped off curbside to order my complimentary cup of coffee at the café near my departure gate. During this time, I got checked in, went through security check and had the chance for a quick restroom stop. I might have just got lucky or it may have been due to the fact that I was behind the great Roger Binny (who was on his way to the Lords with Kirmani and Kirti Azad for the big event) at the check in and security lines and may have vicariously enjoyed VIP status.
On my return, the aircraft pulled up to the gate at 8:45 pm and I was in a cab by 9:10. During this time, the aerobridge got attached, passenger unloaded, baggage collected, pit stop made (I told you before, I am a 58-year old male!), taxi money from ATM collected. It was almost a Changi-like experience especially in contrast to Delhi Terminal 1 which still retains the look and feel (and smell) of an AAI airport.
The things I did not like about BIAL – being greeted on arrival by the smell of chicken grilling in the tandoor (coming from one of the cafes), the dysfunction around the taxi line, the efforts of BIAL and the taxi company reps notwithstanding and the boarding procedure -- how difficult can it be to board by row numbers. I know KF tried this at HAL but I think we, the people, defeated that system effectively. The last of these could considerably reduce the clustering of people around the departure gates.
Meru cabs are fantastic. When it is your turn at the top of the taxi line assuming one has been allowed to form, the uniformed cab driver jumps out and loads your luggage in the trunk, starts the meter, takes you to your destination, prints you a receipt, collects the money with no intention to hang around to ask for something extra. By the way, I did have a very enlightening discussion with the cab driver on lane discipline (he said, "It is a great idea, I will comply but my customers are always in a hurry and want me to pay no attention to lanes". Lane driving=Slow traffic)
BIAL terminal building aesthetics: Like I said I am a nuts and bolts traveler and pay very little attention to these things unless it is extremely noteworthy (the only airport that falls in this category for me is Denver International). I have flown in and out of Changi dozens of times yet cannot remember anything about the external appearance. In my opinion, the designers of BIAL have made the best effort at striking a balance between cost, functionality, internal ambience (space, light etc.) etc with reasonable success. I say put spectacular landscaping around the building and nobody will pay attention to the building itself.
Toilets: I thought that it was adequate for arrivals but not so in the departure area. It looks like BIAL now has a caretaker for each toilet and the level of cleanliness is good.
Finally, I would say that arriving at BIAL, hiring a cab and traveling on NH7 up to Yelanka is almost a first-world experience. From Yelahanka onwards, just close your eyes and pray!
(*PS: In case you are wondering how I acquired stocks in BIAL, I will let you in on a secret -- I acquired them through our fearless leaders in the Government of Karnataka!)
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Are we missing the forest for the trees?
The re-open HAL firestorm is threatening to spread through the forest as it were, altleast going by what is said in some of the public forums -- (not on Praja, this is too genteel for that sort of stuff). To continue with the forest metaphor, are we are missing the forest for the trees?
Most of us are caught up with HAL as a commercial enterprise while ignoring the fact that there is whole ecosystem of HAL (aircraft manufacturing), DRDO (development of defence aircraft and other systems), the flight test center (not sure what this is part of) that are being supported out of the HAL airfield. DRDO alone has a dozen or so entities that operate in and around the HAL airfield. There is probably multiple billions of $ sunk into the defence infrastructure around HAL that most of us civilians do not get to see.
There was a nice article in the Times of India several weeks ago by retired Air Marshal Malcolm Wollen (former Chairman of HAL, a genuine IAF war hero and I believe a test pilot himself) where he argued that flight testing and commercial flying out of HAL cannot and should not go togther. The fact that we did have commecial operations out of a facility meant for defence R&D and flight testing was an artifact of a dysfunctional system of governance and bureaucracy. A separate commercial airfield like we finally have now has been overdue in Bangalore for 30-40 years. The fact that HAL serves a critical national defence need has not entered into the discourse and that is troubling.
Niagaras of hot air have been generated over this issue, doomsday scenarios have been conjured up (what if BIAL does not invest another paisa on the project, what if the common man is forced to take a shower before boarding an airplane and sit with the gentry etc. etc.), Tughlaqian ideas have been floated (move all of the defence-related infrastructure to Yelahanka and leave HAL free and clear for commercial business -- clearly a case of tail wagging the dog!). The fact is we have a half-decent facility in BIAL by all accounts (I personally have received a dozen very favorable reports from friends who are all international frequent fliers of a minimum gold level) and it can be improved over the years (I remember what a disaster the $3.5 Billion Denver International Airport was at its inception and there have been other monumental disasters in the recent years).
Most of us are caught up with HAL as a commercial enterprise while ignoring the fact that there is whole ecosystem of HAL (aircraft manufacturing), DRDO (development of defence aircraft and other systems), the flight test center (not sure what this is part of) that are being supported out of the HAL airfield. DRDO alone has a dozen or so entities that operate in and around the HAL airfield. There is probably multiple billions of $ sunk into the defence infrastructure around HAL that most of us civilians do not get to see.
There was a nice article in the Times of India several weeks ago by retired Air Marshal Malcolm Wollen (former Chairman of HAL, a genuine IAF war hero and I believe a test pilot himself) where he argued that flight testing and commercial flying out of HAL cannot and should not go togther. The fact that we did have commecial operations out of a facility meant for defence R&D and flight testing was an artifact of a dysfunctional system of governance and bureaucracy. A separate commercial airfield like we finally have now has been overdue in Bangalore for 30-40 years. The fact that HAL serves a critical national defence need has not entered into the discourse and that is troubling.
Niagaras of hot air have been generated over this issue, doomsday scenarios have been conjured up (what if BIAL does not invest another paisa on the project, what if the common man is forced to take a shower before boarding an airplane and sit with the gentry etc. etc.), Tughlaqian ideas have been floated (move all of the defence-related infrastructure to Yelahanka and leave HAL free and clear for commercial business -- clearly a case of tail wagging the dog!). The fact is we have a half-decent facility in BIAL by all accounts (I personally have received a dozen very favorable reports from friends who are all international frequent fliers of a minimum gold level) and it can be improved over the years (I remember what a disaster the $3.5 Billion Denver International Airport was at its inception and there have been other monumental disasters in the recent years).
Friday, June 6, 2008
A Letter to Mr. Brunner of BIAL
Dear Mr. Brunner,
As a Bengaluru niwasi (I know you are Swiss but you might as well start learning about the local culture since your lack of understanding of it is the root cause of all that I am writing to you about), I am troubled by what I see as a blatant attempt at social engineering and behavior modification that you and BIAL are engaged in our fair city. I see a conspiracy afoot that you clearly are a part of (who knows, may be the CIA is in it too) to put is in a straitjacket, limit our ability to think; in short, turn us into robots like most of you westerners. You have made every attempt to diminish our ability to deal with chaos (after all it is this very quality that made us world-class thinkers as one of our favorite sons Rajat Gupta once famously said) and thus prevent our march towards world domination.
Let me explain. I visited BIAL this morning and on this trip I made a mental note of several items that I will present to you as exhibits to buttress my case.
Exhibit A -- The link road between NH7 and the airport: This morning as I started cruising on NH7 past our world-class Hebbal flyover towards BIAL, my mind was alert to any curve that the highway might throw at me – a school bus making a U-turn from the extreme left lane at a traffic signal, animals and humans jaywalking across the high-speed highway, BMTC buses stopping in the middle lane to pick up/drop off passengers, the works. And then I see the highway opening up and bingo, there is this large green sign indicating the exit for the airport. My instincts tell me to ignore it but I gingerly take the exit and I am on this multi-lane interchange and it is clear as far as eyes can see. My senses are dulled, mind no longer alert, I am on autopilot. Soon there are signs everywhere – exit for this, exit for that; and directions to find the parking lots. I find this disconcerting – hmmm, why exactly does Mr. Brunner want to think for me.
Exhibit B – The parking lot: The parking slots are clearly marked and so is the (uni-directional) traffic flow around the lot. I park my car and survey the lot. You say 2000 cars can be parked here. I am thinking, you Swiss simpletons, you can only make space for 2000 cars? Let me and my Bengaluru friends go to work. We can easily turn this into a 4000-car lot. You see we have mastered a technique we call “dynamic allocation of traffic lanes”. We can turn a 2-lane bi-directional road into a multi-lane, multi-directional free for all in seconds when the situation demands, which is usually always. We can turn main thoroughfares into parking lots and vice versa. If we can do this successfully, the parking lot capacity doubling is a piece of cake. Why didn’t you study the Benguluru parking habits at our beloved HAL airport? More importantly, why are you and BIAL denying us the opportunity to exercise our little gray cells?
Exhibit C: The terminal: Admittedly, I only saw the arrivals section but that was enough for me. There are signs for everything, where to line up for taxis, where to get information, where to get food and drinks. Mr. Brunner, what do you take us for – a bunch of idiots? At the old HAL airport, we mastered the art of fishing out our assigned pre-paid cab from a sea of white Maruti Omnis in seconds. We don’t need to be spoon-fed about finding a mere cab. Again, Mr. Brunner why this attempt to dumb down the population of namma Bengaluru? I say to you, as did Reagan to Gorby years ago, “tear down these signs” and liberate our minds.
On a side note, there are demands being made for you to provide toilet facilities for visitors that cannot afford to pay to get into the terminal. Some of us are also nostalgic about our beloved HAL airport. So, I say just provide a long wall in one corner of the parking lot where we Bengaluru males can do our spitting and whatever else we Bengalurians do when we see walls (for some reason Bengaluru women do not seem to have these urges). But in deference to our religious sentiments, please do not paint any religious symbols on the wall for some of us do care about such things.
Exihibit D: The new fangled taxi cabs. I just don’t get it. You say I should stand in a line and when it is my turn at the top of the line, a cab will pull up, the cabbie will load my stuff in the trunk, reset the meter and off we go to my destination. You say we should pay the fare indicated on the meter when I arrive. No, that is not the way we do business in Bengaluru. Here is how it works. I approach an autowalla, ask him where HE wants to go. He looks me over and tries to guess where I might want to go and mentions a place that is far away from there. I do not give up; I offer him incentives to drop me somewhere on the way to his destination while figuring out further connections I could make to get to my destination. You see it is a game (in the west you gave it a name --“Game Theory” and claimed a Nobel prize) that we have been playing it for years and we do not need you to come and colonize our minds.
Exhibit E: This is perhaps the most egregious of the lot. BIAL is charged with being a bad influence on the poor innocent folks at BMTC and BBMP. BMTC has got into this annoying habit of parking at the bus bays that you have provided for them at the airport rather than their preferred method of random parking thus taking the joy out of finding one of their buses. Finally and perhaps most shockingly, BBMP seems to have been swept up by this wave of “internationalism” as well. On my drive back from the airport this afternoon, I actually saw road crews meticulously embed “cats eyes” on the lane markers on NH-7. What next? Enforcement of lane driving by the Bengaluru police? Is there no limit to these transgressions?
Mr. Brunner, I am 58-year old man trying to forestall the onset of dementia by keeping my brain actively engaged. BIAL clearly is hazardous to my mental health and that of many of my fellow citizens. If the trend that BIAL has set catches on, who knows Bengaluru might end up becoming another antiseptically clean Singapore and there was a good reason I chose not to live there when I had an opportunity years ago.
Your Sincerely,
As a Bengaluru niwasi (I know you are Swiss but you might as well start learning about the local culture since your lack of understanding of it is the root cause of all that I am writing to you about), I am troubled by what I see as a blatant attempt at social engineering and behavior modification that you and BIAL are engaged in our fair city. I see a conspiracy afoot that you clearly are a part of (who knows, may be the CIA is in it too) to put is in a straitjacket, limit our ability to think; in short, turn us into robots like most of you westerners. You have made every attempt to diminish our ability to deal with chaos (after all it is this very quality that made us world-class thinkers as one of our favorite sons Rajat Gupta once famously said) and thus prevent our march towards world domination.
Let me explain. I visited BIAL this morning and on this trip I made a mental note of several items that I will present to you as exhibits to buttress my case.
Exhibit A -- The link road between NH7 and the airport: This morning as I started cruising on NH7 past our world-class Hebbal flyover towards BIAL, my mind was alert to any curve that the highway might throw at me – a school bus making a U-turn from the extreme left lane at a traffic signal, animals and humans jaywalking across the high-speed highway, BMTC buses stopping in the middle lane to pick up/drop off passengers, the works. And then I see the highway opening up and bingo, there is this large green sign indicating the exit for the airport. My instincts tell me to ignore it but I gingerly take the exit and I am on this multi-lane interchange and it is clear as far as eyes can see. My senses are dulled, mind no longer alert, I am on autopilot. Soon there are signs everywhere – exit for this, exit for that; and directions to find the parking lots. I find this disconcerting – hmmm, why exactly does Mr. Brunner want to think for me.
Exhibit B – The parking lot: The parking slots are clearly marked and so is the (uni-directional) traffic flow around the lot. I park my car and survey the lot. You say 2000 cars can be parked here. I am thinking, you Swiss simpletons, you can only make space for 2000 cars? Let me and my Bengaluru friends go to work. We can easily turn this into a 4000-car lot. You see we have mastered a technique we call “dynamic allocation of traffic lanes”. We can turn a 2-lane bi-directional road into a multi-lane, multi-directional free for all in seconds when the situation demands, which is usually always. We can turn main thoroughfares into parking lots and vice versa. If we can do this successfully, the parking lot capacity doubling is a piece of cake. Why didn’t you study the Benguluru parking habits at our beloved HAL airport? More importantly, why are you and BIAL denying us the opportunity to exercise our little gray cells?
Exhibit C: The terminal: Admittedly, I only saw the arrivals section but that was enough for me. There are signs for everything, where to line up for taxis, where to get information, where to get food and drinks. Mr. Brunner, what do you take us for – a bunch of idiots? At the old HAL airport, we mastered the art of fishing out our assigned pre-paid cab from a sea of white Maruti Omnis in seconds. We don’t need to be spoon-fed about finding a mere cab. Again, Mr. Brunner why this attempt to dumb down the population of namma Bengaluru? I say to you, as did Reagan to Gorby years ago, “tear down these signs” and liberate our minds.
On a side note, there are demands being made for you to provide toilet facilities for visitors that cannot afford to pay to get into the terminal. Some of us are also nostalgic about our beloved HAL airport. So, I say just provide a long wall in one corner of the parking lot where we Bengaluru males can do our spitting and whatever else we Bengalurians do when we see walls (for some reason Bengaluru women do not seem to have these urges). But in deference to our religious sentiments, please do not paint any religious symbols on the wall for some of us do care about such things.
Exihibit D: The new fangled taxi cabs. I just don’t get it. You say I should stand in a line and when it is my turn at the top of the line, a cab will pull up, the cabbie will load my stuff in the trunk, reset the meter and off we go to my destination. You say we should pay the fare indicated on the meter when I arrive. No, that is not the way we do business in Bengaluru. Here is how it works. I approach an autowalla, ask him where HE wants to go. He looks me over and tries to guess where I might want to go and mentions a place that is far away from there. I do not give up; I offer him incentives to drop me somewhere on the way to his destination while figuring out further connections I could make to get to my destination. You see it is a game (in the west you gave it a name --“Game Theory” and claimed a Nobel prize) that we have been playing it for years and we do not need you to come and colonize our minds.
Exhibit E: This is perhaps the most egregious of the lot. BIAL is charged with being a bad influence on the poor innocent folks at BMTC and BBMP. BMTC has got into this annoying habit of parking at the bus bays that you have provided for them at the airport rather than their preferred method of random parking thus taking the joy out of finding one of their buses. Finally and perhaps most shockingly, BBMP seems to have been swept up by this wave of “internationalism” as well. On my drive back from the airport this afternoon, I actually saw road crews meticulously embed “cats eyes” on the lane markers on NH-7. What next? Enforcement of lane driving by the Bengaluru police? Is there no limit to these transgressions?
Mr. Brunner, I am 58-year old man trying to forestall the onset of dementia by keeping my brain actively engaged. BIAL clearly is hazardous to my mental health and that of many of my fellow citizens. If the trend that BIAL has set catches on, who knows Bengaluru might end up becoming another antiseptically clean Singapore and there was a good reason I chose not to live there when I had an opportunity years ago.
Your Sincerely,
Saturday, May 17, 2008
What a Quandary!
There is an interesting article on the front page of today’s Times of India entitled “Bangalore, Inc. feels it needs HAL Airport”. The article quotes several IT “honchos” (god, how I hate this word) and prominent citizen members of the Bangalore City Connect Foundation (BCCF) as saying that business coming to Bangalore will decline as a result of the new airport. (“In the first year of BIA opening, the industry will see a degrowth of between 5% and 10%” -- Mohandas Pai of Infosys). By the way, is “degrowth” a real word?
Got me thinking as a not-so-prominent non-member of the BCCF. Our water, power and sewage infrastructure is already the envy of the developed world; we breathe the purest air there is on the planet; we have the best public transportation system in the world; our roads are so silken smooth that driving on them gives the impression of flying on the magic carpet; our solid waste disposal system is so classy that city administrators from all around the county come to study it; the civic sense of our denizens is so acute that anyone acting in violation of the law (however rare that might be) is pounced on and punished by the rest of us and should we citizens miss any such transgression, we have nothing to fear because we have the best police force that money can buy ( no, no not in the sense you are thinking!!). Our political system is so transparent that we know exactly who is pocketing how much. And if this was not enough, we have the most welcoming business climate in the universe.
Damn, if only we could keep HAL open. Investment would come flying in (although on the wings of ATR-42s and ATR-72s presumably), our skies will continue to get bluer and our trees greener, if that is even possible and so on and so forth.
But then I thought, if HAL stays open there will be no other cause to champion for our worthies like RK Mishra, Kiran Shaw, Mohandas Pai and others and that surely would be a calamity because these are smart, intelligent billionaires (or at least some of them) and we surely do not want to lose their nation-building fervor.
God, what a tough choice.
Got me thinking as a not-so-prominent non-member of the BCCF. Our water, power and sewage infrastructure is already the envy of the developed world; we breathe the purest air there is on the planet; we have the best public transportation system in the world; our roads are so silken smooth that driving on them gives the impression of flying on the magic carpet; our solid waste disposal system is so classy that city administrators from all around the county come to study it; the civic sense of our denizens is so acute that anyone acting in violation of the law (however rare that might be) is pounced on and punished by the rest of us and should we citizens miss any such transgression, we have nothing to fear because we have the best police force that money can buy ( no, no not in the sense you are thinking!!). Our political system is so transparent that we know exactly who is pocketing how much. And if this was not enough, we have the most welcoming business climate in the universe.
Damn, if only we could keep HAL open. Investment would come flying in (although on the wings of ATR-42s and ATR-72s presumably), our skies will continue to get bluer and our trees greener, if that is even possible and so on and so forth.
But then I thought, if HAL stays open there will be no other cause to champion for our worthies like RK Mishra, Kiran Shaw, Mohandas Pai and others and that surely would be a calamity because these are smart, intelligent billionaires (or at least some of them) and we surely do not want to lose their nation-building fervor.
God, what a tough choice.
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